(This month's column was written by Michele Khoo.)

I would like to share some personal experiences: my journey as a Ph.D. student for the last 3 1/2 years. Hopefully it will serve as a form of encouragement to know, especially when you hit a rough patch in those early days and feel like giving up, that you are not alone. If you are one of those lucky few who are sailing effortlessly through graduate school, good for you; you can read this and realize just how lucky you are!

I started my academic journey rather late; I was 32 years old and had just finished my Masters in Mass Communications while holding down a pretty good job in the private sector. I have never thought of myself as an academic. I do like to read, have always been curious about things, and appreciate the value of looking at things from different perspectives and asking why. However, I really did not think these qualities will make a good research student.

The person I should thank (or should I say "blame") for my stint as a research student is my husband. He was the one who told me to give it a shot and stop questioning my self-worth - I think he has more faith in me than I do in myself. In that sense I was lucky: I have heard many stories of how marriages and relationships have ended when one party goes to graduate school. Thus, when taking the plunge into a graduate programme, I cannot stress enough the importance of a good heart-to-heart talk with your spouse or significant other. To get your graduate degree, but lose that special someone, is not a good trade-off.

The first 6 months of graduate school were very tough. Many times, I asked myself what I had gotten myself into. Was this worth it? In particular, I had a difficult time adjusting to teaching obligations during those early days. I had never taught before, save for vacation jobs and the odd tutoring, but suddenly there I was, responsible for imparting knowledge to a group of undergraduates. I was worried that my students would learn nothing from me - or that they would ask me ask me a question that I was not able to answer.

In hindsight, I think I worried too much. The students were great, and they quickly taught me one important lesson: not to treat them as kids. They wanted to be treated as equals-just as I did when I was an undergraduate - and granting them that kind of respect and sincerity made up in large part for my inexperience. Once I grasped that point, teaching them became easier and fun. For those who intend to pursue a teaching career after graduate school, it is important to build up that confidence in dealing with students while you are still a graduate student. This will also give you the opportunity to see whether you are really suitable to teach.

Some people view graduate school as a completely different world from the office environment; they feel that students should focus on research and that is it. I beg to differ. Perhaps it is because I worked in the 9-to-5 world for about 10 years before going back to school, but I tend to see graduate school as a company that I chose to join despite its rather low compensation package. As an "employee," survival means learning the dynamics of the graduate student population as well as of the faculty.

Importantly, I needed to learn to communicate with my supervisor: She was going to be my boss for the next 3 to 4 years and I had to make sure that I both got along with her and learned all I could from her. In the private sector, this is what is called "learning to manage your boss." I have encountered many students who found great difficulties in their research due to conflicts with their supervisors. In the private sector, you can easily resign and look for another job if you do not like your supervisor; in graduate school, however, you have much more to lose, as changing supervisors has an enormous impact on your research. Hence, I would urge you to choose your supervisor carefully, and once you find one, learn to manage the relationship so that you develop a win-win learning environment for you and your supervisor.

Another difficulty I faced in the early days was trying to juggle time. As a student I had to do research, teach, and take classes - but I am also a wife, daughter, and daughter-in-law. There never seemed to be enough time. Though nobody complained, I felt bad about not spending much time with my parents and for the many dinners with my in-laws that I hurried through so I could go home and finish a paper.

One of the things I learned from this was to set the appropriate expectations. At the beginning of the week, I will my husband what's on my schedule for the weekend or a public holiday so that we are on the same page when planning an outing or a family dinner. This is a course of action I recommend for any graduate student, including those who are dating: Inform your significant other about your study schedule. This mitigates either party's getting upset because your significant other planned a romantic outing, but you have to finish a paper that is due the next day. Like I always tell my husband: "Lower expectation, lesser disappointment."

I would love to share more of the things I have learnt about life, academia, and myself in the last 3 1/2 years; maybe in the next few issues, I will do just that. Feel free to write to me at michele_khoo@pmail.ntu.edu.sg if you have any comments on what I have written or anything you would like me to share in a future column.